sonGs of oTher laNds: August 2005

going crazy..

yellings,
voices raised in anger.
peace,
disrupted again for the hundredth time.

i try to hide from it all,
blasting my music
and drowning myself in in.
it's no use....

i can still hear,
the voices which continue their battle,
and the silence
which falls afterwards.

deafening silence,
silence that overwhelms our senses,
growing louder each second
and threatening to engulf even us.

a voice speaks,
in calm but curt tones,
easily raised as if the loudness
was a weapon in itself.

i listen from my bed,
trying to shut the voice out,
to escape from the
harshness of it all.

but the words wont seem to go away.
they wormed their way into my head,
and there they stay,
chasing each other, driving me insane...

Untitled

Not till the earth opens
And the whirlwinds of dust destroys the path
People's minds spins in terror
At the way the cosmics race their deathly competition
The world shall be in chaos
No more composed people
No longer calm
And on that day I'll look for you
Waiting for your sign
And the first thing I will think would be
Am I forgiven?

love

why does love tear us apart,
and make those big, fat
drops of sadness
fall from our eyes?

why does love make us
burst with happiness and
lift us high into the sky to
soar on eagles' wings?

why do people covet love
even though they know that love
brings us sorrow as well as joy,
tears as well as laughter?

why are we all so foolish
as to set ourselves up for
heartache when there are
other ways out?

why are people so in love with love?
we think that we are unable to live
if we didn't have love.
well that is true.

because we all cannot live without love.
we are unable to live without that one thing
that lets us put all our faith, trust, hopes and dreams
in those whom we love.

love makes each day bearable, tolerable,
and gives us a reason to live.
a world without love
would be none at all.

love is the greatest and most beautiful feeling,
for love protects us in its arms,
not just for a few moments,
but for eternity.

I'm trying

I guess all people have a past
Have a heart that is hidden
Away and into the darkness
No one knows

For a mistake that I once made
Now forever no matter how
I'm suffering for it
Is it worth it?

My pain tears fear
My hunger for forgiveness
My urge for understanding
It might never be fulfilled

I believe that one day
Maybe on that day I would finally be certain
Be happy truely at a new found friend
And we would smile at how foolish we were I

believe that on that day
Maybe I would be the one
Who bows down apologically
But I don't care

If only that could come true
I'm trying my best
Trying to avoid your anger your rage
Trying to prevent my sadness my tears

I made a mistake of telling you that
I admit it but I'm trying
I'm trying to amend it
Can it be mended?

I'm trying to let you know I'm sorry
But everyone knows I am save for you
Am I at fault? Am I not trying hard enough?
Am I not trying?

I'm sorry, I really am
But human makes mistakes
Is it justified to hate and ignore
When I made a mistake that killed my own heart too?

I laugh I smile
But when I saw your anger your sadness
My heart cries along, no one knows
Not even you, who knows me so well

You said you thought you knew me
You do, but I was wrong
I'm trying so hard to let you know
I admit that I was wrong

maybe

my feelings are stuck in me
like a huge ball choking me up,
while i try to find the words
to describe all that i'm feeling.

but words that once came
so freely to me,
are now lost somewhere
en route to my brain.

i shed ghost tears,
tears that well up behind my eyelids
and threaten to devour me whole
but never actually spill out.

i scream ghost cries,
trying to vent my anger
at the things
i do not yet fully understand.

when will i wake up
from this self-inflicted misery?
when will i escape from
this dark abyss that is my life?

i wonder what it will take
to rouse me from this darkness
that has held me so,
in his cold, cold embrace?

perhaps, with time,
my pain will dull,
no longer killing,
but just an ache inside.

and with all that's left of me,
broken though it may be,
but maybe, just maybe
i will be able to forget and escape.

slowly

slowly,
a little by a little,
a bit by a bit.

let me open up
and try to find the words
to say what's on my mind

dont rush me,
dont push me
dont bug me.

i need my own time
before i can let the words
pour out of my heart.

slowly,
a little by a little,
a bit by a bit.

one step at a time,
i shall begin on this journey
of knowing the real me

and one day,
i'll see you at my journey's end
and know you are my friend.

waiting.

there is a well of emptiness
within me
that i try hard to conceal.

everytime i'm all alone,
i start thinking of the things
that were never meant to be.

cloaked in my despair,
it seems that no one can see me.
i become invisible.

lost in my masquerade,
i dont know who i am,
or who i've become.

it seems like i'm
two different people,
posing as one.

consumed in
my world of darkness,
i am barely alive.

yet you awaken me from my thoughts,
rescued me from my abyss
for those periods of time.

and after that i sink,
back into my dark reverie
and wait to be alive again.

she walks on

alone in the world
she walks amidst the crowds.
she listens to the voices around,
while searching for that sound.

she tilts her head to the sun
as the wind caresses her cheek.
where is her family?
no one knows or cares.

on and on she walks
as people stop and stare
at this beautiful child,
so young but with eyes of ice.

she walks on,
ignoring the looks
of bewilderment and envy,
of confusion and lust.

she cares not,
for what money brings,
nor for the pleasures
that people indulge in.

all she cares for
is her never-ending search.
one which matters a lot,
but only to her.

her footsteps sound on the
cement walkway,
lonely, yet confident
weary, yet certain.

somewhat vulnerable,
she walks on,
in search of the truth,
of some meaning of her life,
a reason for her existence.

I KNOW IT

I thought it through
But I never thought
The story would become one
I never knew

I know you once
I know you twice
I know you from my bestest friend

I thought it through
But I never thought
To become a third party
I never knew

A rival or substitution
I don't know who I've become
Till then you told me I was real

Not long after
I blew it up
And left you, lying down

I thought it through
But I never thought
To fall all over again
I never knew

Hopes are shattered
And I just didn't understand
Why you promised yet were not there

I thought it through
But I never thought
To have tears in my laughters
I never knew

*sorry i jus wrote this without much thinking... i guess its just filled with many surface emotions...*

I broke

It was in a mess & i know it through & through.
I didn't know what to do
when everything's not right.
All I know was I've broke your heart.

I have always been & I know it through & through.
When I feel lost in my decisions
& all my blessings were taken away.
All I know I broke your heart.

My powdered hands I worshipped others
but then I realised.
All that I needed was you,
you alone.
All I know is I feel you breathe
right there, inside
of me.

walking away..

looking at the world through blurred eyes
wishing for something that will never happen
am i being stupid, naive?
i wish i've never met you, known you
then i wouldn't have to feel this way.

perhaps i'm askin for too much, too soon
but i guess you wouldn't care either way
don't dare to tell you how i feel
what's the point?
it'll only ruin things between us,
fragile as they are now

after all...
you've finally found someone else to love
guess i don't mean that much to you
can't blame you for not knowing
blame myself for not telling
each time i try the words get stuck
guess i'd just have to live with it
nothing else i can do
except to just walk away from it all,
especially from you

crying in the bus on the way home
feeling so stupid, hoping people wont see
i won't hide the tears anymore
but still, i hide the truth from you, from me
if i admit it will it get us anywhere?

because of you my life's feeling screwed
hate myself for not telling
yet fearing your reaction if i did
i don't know what to think, to say, to do
perhaps i'll just go
yes, i think i'll just go

after all...
you've finally found someone to love
guess i don't mean that much to you
can't blame you for not knowing
blame myself for not telling
each time i try the words get stuck
guess i'd just have to live with it
nothing else i can do
except to just walk away from it all,
especially from you

i don't know how i'll ever get it out
perhaps after reading this you'll understand
how torn up i feel inside.
still, putting everything into this ...
maybe its time for us to say goodbye
because i don't how to live
knowing that you like someone else

sorry for not being at your side
like i promised you i would be
but if being close to you means this
guess i'd rather say goodbye

** i wrote this in secondary two i think.. yeah.. it's a little irrelevant now but i guess i just want to publish it.. cos i want to have more posts than my twin! haha.. joking.. =P **

can it be

when we met that day
there were so many things i didn't say
you asked your questions,
i answered them.

after that we just
stood and stared.
you could have left,
but you didn't.
no you didn't.

i wonder why,
what's on your mind.
can it be,
that somehow, in some way,
you still care for me?

now those scenes
keep playing in my head,
those few precious moments
that we shared.

i wished i had said
what was really on my mind.
so many things, so little time..
if only i had told you.
if only i had.

i wonder why,
what's on your mind.
can it be,
that somehow, in some way,
you still love me...

The place

There was a place that no one knew
It was in isolation in the cold
It stood alone, no one knew
That it was a place in isolation

Now the place lits up with light
A dim light that has no strength
The light lit up the place
And that light was enough

Then other lights came and that place lit up
The lights brought warmth along
The place in isolation was lit up
Not with weakness but with warmth

And the place was not isolated
The lights brought more lights and
The place lit up and was so warm it shivered
And as it shivered the rain started to fall

But the rain was all right the rain was fine
The droplets were lit up by the lights
The place shivered but it was all right
It was fine and the lights gathered there

So the place existed alone no more
No more it exsisted alone
The place became home to the lights
And the lights became home to the place.

Perfect Picture

*tink this poem is nice =) dated 9/29/2004*

The clouds roll over the world
Covering the Sun, Mother of Earth
A photograph through the open window
Yellow, aged, a product of two thousand years
Tears of Heaven seep into the ground,
Trying in vain to wash away the sins of humans
Crying for the people who had lost the way
Stealing, lying, hating, betraying, insulting
The Perfect Picture, scarred.

I dream

Shooting through the clouds to the skies
Colors don't matter anymore
Within the emptiness i see hopes
Dreams and wishes of those who hang on
And I dream

The galaxy caress my shivering body
Curled in the position when I first came
Inside it all i still remain
Like i was, at first touch to the air
And I dream

Stars and planets spinning
Trails of glitter drifting off to emptiness
Emptiness
I see nothing, feel nothing
Hear nothing
And I dream

How was it possible
That through the isolation and defeat
And i can no longer cry for
Tears no longer count
A smile was with me
And I dreamt.

searching..

have you ever felt
like you're wasting your life away?
like the sands of time are
slipping through your fingers,
and you're just sitting there
watching it all fade?

i search for something,
something that gives me a reason to go on living,
to give my all
and still want to go on giving.
i search for something,
something that is not there,
something that fills my days
and lets me be me.

have you ever felt,
that life holds no meaning for you?
that we're all just puppets manipulated
by someone else in this cold and cruel world,
waiting to be discovered,
to be held and loved?

i'm not there

cold.
there's nothing left but coldness inside me.
i'm surrounded by warmth,
yet the coldness will not go away.
i close my eyes, and all i see,
is a picture of you and me.

i cry,
but my tears turn to ice.
frozen on my cheeks,
the testimonies of what you did,
the internal torment,
that no one else can see.

i wonder if you know,
of the pain i feel.
but since you left me this way,
i guess it isn't so.

why do i even bother?
you don't even care.
all you want is someone new,
and guess what?
i'm not there.

sonGs of oTher laNds

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

going crazy..

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

Untitled

love

I'm trying

maybe

slowly

waiting.

she walks on

Friday, August 26, 2005

I KNOW IT

I broke

walking away..

can it be

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

The place

Perfect Picture

Monday, August 22, 2005

I dream

searching..

Sunday, August 21, 2005

i'm not there

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